3 things to do immediately when your trauma is triggered
I had a breakdown yesterday. It wasn’t fun. It was a big one. I haven’t felt like that in months.
The context that led me there was being in a heat wave while visiting family in Argentina while staying in a house with no AC, lack of sleep (hello, motherhood!), and…drum roll….
Huge amount of self-judgment in the back of my mind!
I felt judged by some relatives who mentioned that a good mother is one that is 24/7 with their child and leaves her work and needs behind.
I work, I mother my 9-month-old-baby as best as I know how, and I also take care of my well-being at all levels. I go for walks ( I take Fede when I can), I take time to make sure that I buy and cook healthy meals, I surf to nurture my mind and soul, I meditate and also keep a light social life.
So when I heard that I was not perceived as a good mother, I burst into anger inside.
It was 104°F, I was staying at a house that I didn’t feel comfortable at due to lack of AC, I was sleep deprived for weeks, and voila, I heard a comment that suddenly framed me as a bad mom. BOOM! The Molotov bomb of my emotions exploded.
It wasn’t 9 am that I was sobbing in the guest room, feeling difficulty breathing and quickly going deep down into a black hole.
I caught myself and told myself:
“This is when you have to use your tools. You have them, use them.”
So I took 3 long breaths as my brain doctor suggests.
I asked my inner child what she was feeling. Just by connecting with her, I started to find a way out.
She told me she felt unsafe. She was scared of her strong emotions.
I asked her what she needed from me.
She said: “Just love and accept me the way I am, even with these strong emotions.”
I gave myself a self-hug and told my inner child:
“I’m here for you, always. I love and accept you just the way you are”.
Everything softened up fast.
I realized that I felt triggered by that comment because wayyyy deep inside, I judged myself as being a bad mom. It’s never about what others do or say when we feel triggered-it truly is about what is running inside of us.
I then told my adult self:
“You are a good mom. You have been giving Fede everything you have since the day he was born. I don’t know if that is enough, but it’s the best you’ve got.”
As I started to get out of my trauma mode, I was able to think more clearly.
This is when the deeper work happened…
I realized I had two choices:
1- I could buy into other people’s beliefs and confirm that I am not a good mother because I chose to work, follow my dreams, and take care of myself. I can sink in shame and guilt and anchor the knowing that I am a horrible mom.
Or,
2- I could choose to not give a shit about what others think or say. I could reclaim my own power (this is true empowerment!) and acknowledge that I am a good mom. I give to Fede the best I can at all times, even if what I give is imperfect. With all my imperfections I could own that I am a good mom and leave all the judgment behind.
It wasn’t a long process. It was a decision and a shift that needed to be done at the moment. As I chose, I did it.
That’s the core work that we’ll do at the Imperfect & Abundant Mermaids mastermind that starts at the end of March.
It’s about looking at our fears, judgments, and limiting beliefs and LOVING & ACCEPTING all of ourselves, with all of our imperfections.
As we do that, we become abundant.
In my case, I went from having a breakdown to feeling peaceful and empowered in a matter of just a few hours.
I went from feeling overwhelmed and depressed to feeling light and strong in a very short time.
We (Leo, Fede, and I) later gifted ourselves 4 nights at a luxury spa resort to enjoy our holiday in comfort and abundance (yes, the AC is blowing strong!). From breaking down to breaking through into incredible abundance, this process brought so many gifts!
When you feel that you are having a strong nervous system response, try this (this is not medical advice, please always consult with your doctor first):
1- Take 3 long deep breaths in and out, in and out. Slow your breath down.
2-Ask your inner child what she needs right now. Listen to her, and give it to her in the best way you can.
3-Chose a new way. Make a decision at the moment to choose which beliefs you want to hang on to. Chose to empower yourself by loving yourself with all of your imperfections.
I hope that this sharing helps you in some way. We all go through hard stuff, sometimes it’s so subtle that we don’t realize it until we burst and it feels like it takes over us.
You are not alone. You can find a new way. You can BEGIN AGAIN.
This is the main work that we do at the mastermind. It’s so deep, and transformative, yet so simple, that you won’t believe how much your life will transform.
If you want to feel empowered and move into greater abundance at all levels (how about not caring about what others think or say, so you can fully go for your dreams?), this is a sacred space.
Let’s talk! Email me the word "More" at mercedesabundance@gmail.com and we can schedule a quick video call to see if this mastermind is right for you.
Much Loving!
MERcedes MAIDana