Why Loosing Control Of Your Life May Be The Best Thing To Do

Last night I had a dream in which I was falling from a building at full speed and was about to smash my face into the gray, concrete road. I don't know about you, but every time I dream that I'm about to die, I wake up in a cold sweat. My heart pumps hard and when I wake, I'm relieved to find that I was just dreaming.

Last night it was very different. As I was falling, I started to say to myself, "There is no fear, there is only love -- Love only, and only love."

My magic mantra didn't stop me from hitting the ground. In fact, I hit the ground so hard that the road broke into pieces. Mercedes, the body died, but my soul was still alive: vibrant, exultant and awake.

This dream was profound, because I could see the other side of fear. I can only speak for myself and I know that no matter how much inner work I do, as long as I am in a human body, I will experience fear.

I feel fear in extreme situations, like when I surf big waves and the ocean seems like a dragon trying to swallow me. I sometimes feel fear in the smallest tasks of my daily life. I feel fear when I think that I've said the wrong thing to someone. I feel fear when it's time to file taxes and overwhelm takes over me! I feel fear when I try to control every variable in my un-manifested future. I feel fear that my mother may die. I feel fear that if I'm fully honest when I write my blogs, people won't like the true me.

Fear is such a strong force that it can stop me from moving forward in my life.

The funny thing about fear is that it hides in the funniest, little places. Many times, I'm not conscious of its presence and I allow it to manage my every move. I can't tackle it because I can't see it. I just allow it to stay there under the carpet and hope that it will pass. The problem is that fear feeds itself on more fear, so when I avoid it, hide it and try to dismiss it, I'm actually feeding it.

I've found out that most of my fears are about control. For example, if I get afraid of not having enough money in the future, it is because I want to have my income and my security under my total control. Sometimes, I want to control my happiness, my lessons, and every step of the future. And, guess what? The more I try to control my life, the more fear takes over me.

I learned a lesson about giving up control early in my life. This story may be a bit triggering for some of you who may have lost a loved one. My intention is to share from a place of love and inspiration. Please take care of yourself, and keep reading at your discretion.

I was 15 years old and my dad came home from work just an hour after he'd left the house. His face had a pale-greenish tint and his strong body looked as if it were about to collapse. He lied down on the couch, told me to call an ambulance and to call my mother and siblings. He knew he wasn't well, and I knew it too.

I cried next to him, and I told him, "Dad, please don't die!"

He looked at me and told me, "That is not up to me. I am in God's hands."

I remember feeling anxious and even upset with him. I wanted him to say something like, "No, daughter, I will not die. I will stay alive for all of you, so I can see you grow up." But he didn't.

He surrendered to a truth that he knew he couldn't avoid -- that whatever was meant to happen would happen. I remember feeling spooked by the situation and trying to understand where he was coming from.

We found out that he had a pre-heart attack that day. He slowly got better and we went back to our normal lives. A month later, at 11:30 at night, I heard my mom screaming. My dad was having a heart attack in his bed.

I remember the exact moment when I knew that his soul left his body. My mother, my siblings and I were praying outside of the room while two paramedics tried to save his life. The door was closed, but I felt the presence of my dad lifting up to the ceiling of the room. A moment later, they told us he was gone. He was only 48 years old, recently sober, starting to live the best part of his life.

I learned from my dad that we can't control life. We can't control the next moment, neither can we control this precise moment.

I learned what true surrender is: It's letting go of your own life and trusting your Higher, loving power.

I've learned important lessons about life and death; yet, life goes on, and I forget them. I forget to let go of fear and embrace love instead. I forget to trust that everything is perfect, just the way it is now.

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